Nate Hatfield of Woodlawn, an 8 year old classmate of my daughter Gracie, and his grandmother, Libby Carroll, were in an automobile accident Tuesday, April 28, 2009. Apparently, Mrs. Carroll pulled out in front of a log truck heading north on Highway63. Mrs. Carroll was pronounced dead at the scene and went on to be with our Lord. While Little Nate is left fighting. Nate was transported to JRMC in Pine Bluff and later, that evening to Arkansas Children's Hospital. Nate is suffering from severe head trauma and injuries to his abdomen. We are here for prayer and updates for the family. Please feel free to leave any heart-warming messages or prayers that you would like. His mom and dad are David and Brandy Carroll. He has an older brother, Michael and a sister the same age, Emily. A PayPal account has been set up with all donations going directly to the family. To make a donation, click here.

1) I am not a huge fan of Top 40 music; however, this morning I had to listen because my CD case was in my Jeep and I was in Mary's car and The Edge wouldn't come in......... Anyways.....Sunday is the day for the "Suck 40 Countdown" and as I was listening, the greatest mover of the week was a song called "Don't Trust Me" by a group called 3OH!3. After listening to that song, I realized that songwriters have now officially ran out of lyrics to put in songs. The phrase "Woo Ooh" is used 30 times during that song and the breakdown/bridge goes as follows, "Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips." You know, I never reckoned Helen Keller as one that would spontaneously BUST A MOVE and TALK WITH HER HIPS. Who knew? WTF?????

2) Susan Boyle......oh Susan Boyle. What can I say? Homeboy can sing. But I actually give a shit if he has been kissed (which must be atrocious in itself). Homeboy got mad props from Simon Cowell as well as the other judges, but come on, I AM SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT. Susan Boyle, you ROCK. Now let's move on. (ohhhh....that's a woman? My bad.) WTF?????

3) This weekend, 84 year old Ted Mazetier fought off 2 carjackers with his mad Grandpa Ninja skills. Immediately, I thought "What, were the carjackers 90 or something?", but surely they weren't, but what I know for sure is that they are total douchebizzles that wanted a thrill. How is the thrill of internet shame you pussies? Oh, and maybe later you can tell us all the shame of PRISON ASS RAPE!!! When you can let an 84 year old man whoop your ass............Pepaw Ted, you sir rule in my book and the world needs more like you. Hat's off to you. WTF?????

4) Want to see an epic battle in the making? Go here.

5) Not necessarily a WTF?????, but I want to thank everyone that has sent me Birthday well wishes and the Crew that stepped out for a great night this past Saturday to help me celebrate. Debbie made me the most awesome cake I never got to eat! My friends have always made me feel like a Champ and Saturday was no different. Mary provided for me the means for such a great time and for that I must say "Thanks." I love you, Boo!

I will post more next week, as Finals will allow. Wish me luck! I will now leave you with this.

As everyone is very well aware of now, I FUCKING LOVE BURGER KING! About as much as you like listening to Chainsaw! However, I digress. This is short and sweet. I have now obtained an Inside Source that is giving/has gave me info on how I might get this issue the attention it deserves. Kuddos to my new "BEST FRIEND." I'm persistent if nothing else! Look for COURTESY coming to a Burger King near you. By the way, Please encourage your friends, clients, family and children (maybe not children) to follow this blog. I'm trying to blow up like Perez Hilton! I will be PIMPez Hilton! (Thanks Anthony) And keep your eyes posted for my upcoming music video, "ESQUIRE CHAINSAW MASSACRE." (Bizzle....You rock friend) Also, I will be celebrating my birthday this Saturday Night at West End in Little Rock starting aroun 7:30 and anybody that would like to come..........I would be glad to see! Hope Reginicha can make it! I will be turning 34 (again).

-Esquizzle

I was just going through a few YouTube videos when I came across this. This is what Pine Bluff has pretty much become. This video sickened me. And the people responsible for posting are actually PROUD of what occurred. PROUD of the video. You are part of the problem ma'am. How about doing something positive with your spare time. You SUCK!!!

Greetings to all. Let's end the week with a bang shall we? Here are a few links for your enjoyment.

1) Saturday Night coming up and you got da blues? Laughter is the best medicine.

2) Want to help support Local Music? Especially SufferKate; my former bandmates? Take 30 seconds and go here.

3) Times are tough, but if you want to donate money to a great cause, visit here.

4) The Gays just screw everything up!!!

5) This has to be one of the greatest internet writers I have ever followed. If you are a Mac user, you won't like this!

Okay everyone, I hope you all have a great weekend. Regardless of what you do, BOYCOTT BURGER KING!!!!!!

Kuddos to Beth Anderson for the Link. You know you have experienced this........

Alright everyone. It is time you all got prepared to get you laugh on. This Saturday night at Juanita's is the Final Round of the Arkansas' Funniest Person Contest. The Finalist are (in random order), Chucky D., Tommy Kelley and Jason Thompson. All of these guys did a wonderful job through the initial 2 rounds which is what landed them in the finals. Having judged the First Round personally with Jennifer Trafford and Stacey Mack, I have seen first hand the incredible skills these guys bring to the fold. Chucky D will amaze you with his views on such subjects as marriage, divorce, family and just everyday live. He is very animated and his facial expressions alone will have you in stitches! Tommy Kelley is a Bon-a-fied Country-fied redneck to the third power! His views on politics, and how they influenced his upbringing, are classic. He has been known from time-to-time to pull out a guitar and serenade the audience with his satirical songs. Jason Thompson is a very "cerebral" comedian. As Patrick put it, "he will hit you with joke grenades that take a second but then devastate you!".

You can't go any further without addressing the two geniuses that brought this event to the masses. Michael "Doc" Davis and Patrick Beam aka "Angry Patrick" have turned an idea that was being tossed around in conversations back in August/ September of last year to an event that has seen people denied entry due to "Capacity Limits". Patrick and I were outside talking during an intermission on the night of the First Round and he asked me the question......"Who would have thought a couple of geeks like me and Doc could have pulled this off?" At the time, I had no answer. Looking back and knowing Patrick the way I do.............EVERYBODY knew him and Doc could pull it off. Kuddos to the both of you for bringing such a worthwhile event to the masses. Can't wait for Arkansas' Funniest Person 2.0.

Which brings me to this, all Pine Bluff-ians should know that the Anger Mis-Management Comedy Tour will be making a stop in Pine Bluff at Eden Park Country Club, Saturday, June 20th. The tour will bring you, Michael "Doc" Davis as your host, Chucky D as your featured act and Angry Patrick will be your headliner. Currently, tickets are not available for on-line sale; however, tickets can be purchased directly through me. Tickets are $10. You can contact me

Via cell phone..........(870) 370-1362
E-Mail......................matthewesquire@gmail.com

or through this blog. This event is already one-third of the way sold out , so it is urgent that you go ahead and secure your tickets. Tell your friends about this great event that is coming to Pine Bluff. Let's show them Little Rock folk that we can have fun too!

-Esquire-nizzle

So, Sunday night, I'm on Facebook chatting with a friend and he informs me he knows the Owner of the particular Burger King in question. He immediately produces addresses, phone numbers, blood type, everything. So Monday, while struggling with my toothache issues, I decided to give DOMINICK FLIS at FLIS ENTERPRISES a phone call. I was unable to get in touch with him and left a message saying "I have a complaint and it is URGENT that you call me back." Still haven't heard from him.
I called this afternoon and spoke with Mary Colvert, who I assume handles all the complaints for Flis Enterprises. I voiced my complaint and when it was all said and done..................SHE OFFERS ME A WHOPPER VALUE MEAL to make ammends. You got to be shitting me. I don't want to go back to the mot**r fucker period. Why would I take that free meal coupon back to the same place so Reginicha can spit on it and treat me and my family like shit? She assures me this will receive attention and I honestly believe it will. To what extent.............one can only guess. Burger King says I can have it my way right? All I want is my food with a side of courtesy. EXTRA COURTESY would be great as well. If you have been treated wrongly while visiting your local Burger King, I would e-mail Mary Colvert at Flis Enterprises. mary.colvert@flisent.com She would be honored, I feel quite sure, to help you any way she can. As for Reginicha..................The saga continues. IT AIN'T OVER. Haven't got satisfaction .....YET!

Okay. So we all have horror stories of bad fast-food experiences. About a month ago, I had a bad experience which prompted me to create a Facebook Group to promote Courtesy and bring awareness to the lack thereof. That was my way of "Putting it to the man" so to speak. I realized that was not the best approach, but, it seemed reasonable at the time. That brings me to tonight. So, everyone still in, or around Pine Bluff knows that there just isn't alot to do. Everyone knows of the joys of visiting Wal-Mart and the release on your psyche when leaving. Wal-Mart leaves me "mentally exausted". But, I digress. So when we leave Wal-Mart tonight, Mary and I decided to drive through at Burger King and get some eats. As I have a toothache at the moment, I decided on the greatest contribution to the Burger King menu, the BK Mocha Joe. Mary ordered a burger, fries & drink and a kids meal for Max. (Gracie had been to the movies with a friend and had already ate.) I failed to mention that actually ordering our food was an event in itself. The women repeated our order back like three times before all parties were in agreement. So, as we get to the window, the women tells us our total and Mary paid with her debit card. When we get to the next window to pick up our food, the women shovels our food out at us and closes the window. Mary waits until the retardinated waitress opens the window back up and tells her "We had drinks." At that time she informs us that they "Don't have some mocha." Are you fucking kidding me? Anyway, they want to refund our money and Mary says, "I paid with a debit card." Mind you, the manager was at the window. When Mary said that she huffed, threw her arms down and stomped off. The girl at the window asked could we please pull forward and they would bring it out. At that point I was about to loose all my marbles, but Mary, the "yen" to my "yang", said just stay cool. We pull up and wait about 5 minutes, which is the worst thing that could have happened. So, I got out of the car and go in to get my tasty beverage, and the girl at the front counter says, no shit, "What do you want?" I said, " MY FUCKING MOCHA JOE!" and they immediately handed it to me. It was just sitting there. If I hadn't went in, I might still be in the parking lot waiting for it.
Now we have left and have passed the I-530 interchange and Mary asks me to hand her her fries. Guess what. That's right. NO FRIES. So we turn around and go back and I went in and the manager asked me what I needed. I showed her my receipt and told her I didn't get my fries. So she rolls her eyes, and proceeds to get me my fries. I asked her if for sure she was the manager and she said yes. If it had been someone else I would have considered talking to them; however, since she seemed to be setting the example for that store, what could she have offered me in terms of reasoning? I got her name, REGINICHA. Say that on three times real fast. and decided I will make a couple of phone calls Monday.
Which brings me to the next fuck-up. Somewhat content, we are almost halfway home when Max has finished his kids meal. Like all kids do after eating a KIDS MEAL, he asks for his toy. Guess what. That's right, no toy. I could not believe it. There were 20 employees in that restaurant and they could not properly deliver a kids meal, a whopper combo and a Mocha Joe. not one mistake, but three. I guess for every $4 I spent I was entitled to an error.
As for Reginicha, you ma'am can kiss my ass. People, whether they admit it or, look to/for leadership. If I followed her example, I would be twice the asshole I am today. I will cut a teenager working part-time some slack because they have to learn proper things they might not have got at home once they are in the working sector. Reginicha however, is the last person I would want teaching my kids SHIT! Reginicha, I know you prolly spit in my Mocha Joe before I walked in and could really give a shit about the woes you caused me, and you might have even laughed a little. Just so you know, the last laugh will be mine. Act like you give a shit. IT DOES MATTER & IT WILL CATCH ON WITH OTHERS. By the way, if you hate your job that much, do us all a favor, QUIT. You epitomize the word "cunt", and for that you should be ashamed.

So, Patrick and I have have these dialogues on a regular basis where we start a play on words with a single word. Recently, we chose the word "PIMP" as our word. The following is a complete breakdown of a texting war that lasted for about an hour. Feel free to comment or add your own special contribution to our fun.
Patrick: Are you the Great Pimp-kin?
Matt: Dr. Pimp-vorkian.
Patrick: Ren and Pimpy
Matt: Just ate at Subway. Ordered extra cheese. You KNOW what kind?
Patrick: Pimperjack
Matt: U know it
Patrick: LMAO!
Matt: My favorite soda is a Dr. Pimper
Patrick: That rox! Did you know Beckett wears Pimpers Supreme?
Matt: LMAO!
Matt: My ancestors were pimpanzees.
Patrick: LMFAO!
Patrick: Beckett's clothes come from that store at the mall. Pymporee
Patrick: Remember that Don Knotts movie, The Pimpit?
Matt: When I traveled to Australia, I saw a duckbill platyapimp.
Patrick: Best yet.
Matt: U like dat?
Patrick: Hell yeah pimplestilskin
Matt: Watching Channel 7 and that douche, Jason Pimperson.
Patrick: Took a part-time job. I'm a pimporary.
Matt: Had a brain injury. Fuct up my pimporal lobe.
Patrick: Do you like that band The Pimptations?
Matt: Me and you are alot alike. We must had been formed from the same pimplate.
Patrick: I just ordered a Quarter Pimper
Matt: Obama reads his speeches off of a telepimpter
Patrick: If your Caddy breaks down you will be a pimpdestrian.
Matt: Good thing I got my Nike Pimp-Force One's.
Patrick: I'm McPimpin' it!
Matt: Do you not like Pimper King?
Patrick: My radio is bumpin'. Red Hot Chili Pimpers.
Patrick: No, I like subs from Pimpies
Matt: What Chili Pimpers Song? Love Pimpercoaster?
Patrick: Just got ripped off. My sack is full of pimps and seeds!
Matt: I'm watching a show on TV about the Knights Pimplar.
Patrick: My favorite cartoon is Pimpeye.
Patrick: Do you drive a Jeep Pimpler?
Patrick: I just watched Pimpformers.
Matt: With Optimus Pimp?
Matt: And Shia Le'Pimp?
Patrick: It also starred John Pimpturo.
Patrick: I watched an old tennis match with Pimpy McEnroe.
Patrick: Rap star, Pimpenem
Matt: Sorry, I was gone for a min. Had to fix Max some Pimpamin Toast Crunch.
Patrick: I like Frosted Pimpy Wheats
Matt: Do you have a pimpas tree in your office?
Patrick: Nope. Spent our budget on compimpers.
Matt: U going to see the new Pimpinator movie?
Patrick: More excited about Harry Pimper and the Half Blood Pimp
Matt: Been listening to Pimp-tallica.
Matt: Do you like pimpmento cheese sandwiches?

Most of you know that I can be a little sarcastic and a little smart-assed at times; however, deep down I am a nice and respectful guy. And Dog-Gonnit.......people like me. I try to always follow the rules and be respectful of others. Then today. So I am in between classes smoking outside when "Mr. Top Flight Security of the World" comes up and tells me I can't smoke where I was standing. I was only standing where I do EVERYDAY! 25 feet from the door is law and I was like 26 at least. Anyway to save the drama I put it out and went about my business. After class, before lab, me and some friends decided we would go out and have a cigarrette before "bone discussions". (No that is not another Mark Ballas reference) While outside, I noticed the security guard eye-fucking me and I told my friends, "Let's go stand in the parking lot before the Smoke Nazi gets us." So while we are smoking he walks up and asks, " Whose back-pack is that up there?" It was Chrystal's. There is a sidewalk from the parking lot into the building about 30 feet long and 7 feet wide. Her bag was near the parking lot, half on the sidewalk, half on the grass, and he told her she needed to go move it. WTF????!!!! He said if there was an emergency it would be in the way, to which I responded with, "They need to use the other 6 1/2 foot of sidewalk to do what they need to do then." At that instant, I think homeboy had a mild stroke. I could have talked about his momma and he wouldn't have took it as bad. Needless to say, we pushed it until we had one of the head dudes at SEARK involved. We argued our case, homeboy tried to flex his nutz, and when it was all over.........WE WON! I know it was a small battle but, it was our battle to fight. I mean, usually I stand outside with the other security guards and smoke or whatever, and they are relaxed. They don't frisk me when I reach for my lighter. I respect the fact homeboy has a job to do; however, if anyone wanted to steal a car or whatever.........he won't be around. He has bigger fish to fry. (i.e. fuck-up my smoke break). I hope homeboy's batteries run out in his flashlight (or something else very scary for security guards) happens to this guy. You Sir are a douche!

So guys. This year, I hate to say, I started watching Dancing With The Stars. I caught a little bit of last season because I dig Warren Sapp. I tell everyone (i.e. my wife) I watch it for the sheer greatness of the dancing. I tell everyone else I watch it because there is some hot azz to be seen every episode. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. Now I find out that the main reason for watching that show is leaving. I just found out that Julianne Hough is not returning next season. In a quote from FoxNews she stated, "I will be taking next season off," adding that she'll be busy touring and bringing out the "real" Julianne Hough. Now that the disappointment has set in, I guess I will have to resort to pay TV again for my eyecandy. And what does she mean the "real" Julianne? I don't know if I could contain myself. Anyway, so long as they don't get rid of Mark Ballas.........I can still get my share of PG-porn. Thanks ABC!

Those who know me, know that at times I can be quite cynical to say the least. MySpace and Face book have never been an accurate means for me to get out my angers and frustrations. I chose to set up this blog so that I might be able to enlighten you or be enlightened "by" you. I will share link suggestions (which always kick ass), photos, etc. and encourage comments, posts or feedback of anykind. I have made my e-mail address available to anyone who might be interested. The first link I will post is a link to my "most talenedest" great friend Patrick Beam's site. Patrick is to comedy in Arkansas what toilet paper is to taking a shit. You can have one without the other.........it just isn't as nice. Patrick can be heard on the stages of many venues across Arkansas and on The Corey and Jay Show on 100.3 FM, The Edge, Friday mornings at 7:15. Drop by and check out his rants and check the tour calender to see when he will be in your city!